I Had A Job I liked. I Got Another One I Love



 Maggie is progressing slowly; graphite, 6 x 8", TMDD Series.
There's lots of measurement lines  and fine innuendos with this Dame.
Look close, you'll see them.

The only place we have ultimate control in our lives is on the drawing or the canvas in front of us. 

You know how many years it's taken me to figure that out?  For decades, I couldn't--no, wouldn't--accept I had very little, nearly no control over anything.  As life hit me with its ho-hums, joys and sorrows at  times that couldn't be predicted and were often inconvenient,  I gradually got the message.  I admit, I was a slow learner. I didn't want to know. I rebelled.  I used my art for that and slashed away at canvases saying I was expressing myself--painting intuitively--giving my impressions of what was going on. Art released tension. Art was therapeutic. It took me to another place where I was in command and my command was "let's see what happens when I do this?" Free association restored balance and produced some curious things, original things that were strictly mine. 

The  abandoned landscape I pulled to paint on as
the mood struck.  The carefree kid is bound to wake up
at times and want to play.

Into my old age, just two weeks now, I've put that kid to bed and entered into the world of  explicit control in the only things I do have complete control, drawings and paintings-- and what's for dinner?   It's a slow paced world.  It's tedious.  But it's steady, comfortable, a good outcome is assured and  that's rewarding.  I like the systematic approach--the fact that there are strategic points and angels--and they must be what they are, or the subject is not the subject.  I like moving methodically in the studio between mixing the absolutely right color, painting in a controlled way, backing up and squinting a lot, cleaning my brushes a lot more, knowing cotton jersey rags are so much better than paper towels and Murphy Oil Soap cleans brush and clothing in a flash.   I like the order at a time in my life when anything can happen anytime. --I like knowing I am a traditional, classical, portrait/figure oriented painter--only took five years!

The knowing, suddenly very clear,  is what got me back into my studio yesterday.  Ruby is ready for painting in.  I have a subdued variations of aqua mixed for Erin's bathing suit.  I have a painting to fool around with when scumbling gets to be too much. Like the work I choose to do, I am a work in progress--and that's why we never really finish a painting; our viewpoint is always changing.

Erin in progress.  Yesterday's square inch or three of interest was the shadow of the arm resting on her tankini top.
The actual color of her top is electric aqua,  I've toned in down, just as I toned down the beach blanket.
No one wants a portrait of their kid that screams.  I get better results scumbling with softer,
synthetic brushes, than I do with bristle brushes.