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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Jewish Penicillin Couldn't Save Christmas

Jonas Salk has nothing to fear from me. Albert Einstein can  relax too.I couldn't figure out the formula for Jewish Penicillin to save my Honey's life or the holiday.

Poor baby came down with a full blown hacking cough, watery eyes, runny nose, chain sneezing cold three hours prior to Christmas Eve. I cancelled out on the Ersatz Christmas party, told the gang we'd miss them and hunted down the humidifier, the Vicks, the cough and cold expectorant, and got him in his jammies. Dinner was taken care of. We would have the chicken satay we picked up from the caterer as our offering at the party. Too bad it wasn't chicken soup with matzoh balls. It would have saved me a lot of aggravation.

Lemons aren't my dish either.
But I gave concocting the magical potion a really good try Christmas Day. Though I didn't have a stewing chicken, SIX CHICKEN FEET (WTF) and schmaltz in the house. I did't have any celery either. What I did have was Low Sodium Chicken Broth, a large carrot, one small onion, and some scallions (not celery) for color. But dump it all in the pot, bring it to a boil and voila! Something resembling chicken soup appeared. I threw in noodles to enhance the impression.

While the low cholesterol brew was steeping, I made matzoh balls for the first time in my life. I did have matzoh meal in the pantry. I use it in my hamburger mix instead of bread crumbs, don't ask. I didn't have chicken fat because I didn't have a fat chicken--only the skinny kind we nearly skinnies take to a party of skinnies. I did, however, have the phony kind cholesterol conscious people use to make chopped liver-- though I hadn't made chopped liver since the grandkids couldn't take a day off school to celebrate the high holy day of Rosh Hashanah. God Forbid they would miss a day for tradition. But that's another story.

The ersatz schmaltz worked. While watching the end of It's A Wonderful Life, the movie I found hidden in the video I used in my last post, I mushed up everything the Settlement House cook book said and dropped the little balls into the cauldron  The soup instantly looked  authentic. I was positive the potion would put Honey back on his feet. I immediately served it up.

But the sick guy pushed it away. "Too peppery," he growled and fell into a fit of coughing-- hopefully not his last.

These lemons were Scrooged too. While I hid in the studio, in between making the wrong color Jello, ( I like red, he said),  putting up a pot of tea and scalding my hand when the top fell off the tea pot,cleaning the kitchen nonetheless and taking out the trash, I was as sick of cooking on the easel as I was on the stove.

It was a wonderful life
These moments were not our finest.
The holiday may have been a curse rather than a blessing?
I am sharing my chagrin.
The Joy of the last 48 hours will take a while.

FOR YOUR RECORDS (and for real) :

The Mayo clinic advises the following treatment for mild burns:
     1) Put the affected area under cool (not cold) running water for 10 to  15 minutes.
     2) Bandage the area with sterile gauze (nothing cottony) very loosely.  Keeping air off the area will stop the pain, (it does), and stop the chance for blistering, (my fingers didn't).

     3) Take a couple Aleves or Ibuprofen just in case. 

      4) Do NOT but any butter or grease or egg whites or any old wives tales on it before bandaging. Those items cause infection in case the burn does blister and fester.  

I also advise taking a nap till the pain does subside. I did. It did. After all this treatment, my right hand was able to ruin those lemons quite expertly.


  1. Sorry you had a rough time the past few days. But thank you for that advice on treating burns.
    As for your lemons, it's all a matter of taste - I really like them!!!
    Take some extra vitamin C so you don't share Ellis' cold.

    1. I think I have a bit of it, but he's really flat on his back. I'll have to check to see if I still have some vitamin C.

      I like lemons too. I suspect my problem is my insistence on experience when watercolor doesn't really lend itself to that. Luckily, lemons last a long time. I'll take another try at them when I can get out of the kitchen and the laundry room. As I watch the snow piling up outside, I'm glad I ran to the super market and filled our list. This storm looks serious.

      we have a post Christmas party on Friday. I wasn't going to go--it's being given by the company that let me go, but kept Ellis and is now torturing him with inadequate building plans done by uneducated designers. I think I'll hand out my new card. I've turned wicked overnight.

    2. I love to see you have another go at the lemons in watercolor. And then you can use the juice in tea for extra vit, C.
      I agree - hand out your new card! It is stunning!!! Be very wicked! :)

    3. I will. I don't have time now between kitchen duty, laundry and nursing the sick guy. I don't know if he'll be up to going on Friday the way he's going today.

  2. You should have some zinc tablets on hand... that definitely enhances the immune system.. As far as the burn, it should also advise to have a bottle of bubbly to ease the frustration and pain!. OMG, I thought my Xmas was bad.. My daughter got food poisioning from my BIL's house... they assumed that you could serve the turkey pan drippings as gravy as in au jus.... Didn't think two people could be so stupid... I am so glad I skipped my in-laws this year...

    1. We wait with the highest expectations for the glorious season of brotherhood and then it goes down the toilet. We put too much into one day once a year, I'm afraid. --Sure, get Honey to take zinc tablets--just like he won't take vitamin C. As luck would have it, colds are very rare with him. I think this one was brought on by coming back from Paradise to work problems. He's dealing with some very difficult people who keep changing their minds after the work they approved was done. That would send me up the wall.

    2. oh, what about the recycled airplane air.. they say that's one way of coming down w/a cold!.

    3. The woman in the row across from ours was coughing. When I heard her, I became apprehensive--plus you know they don't disinfect the arms of the seats.

  3. I LOVE chopped liver!!! My husband says I am crazy, but then he loves Gefilte fish and that is just gross to me. I have been fighting something forever too... seems to never go away.

    1. Me too--all of us do. But you have to use schmaltz, the real stuff: rendered chicken fat, which I do know how to make. We like befitted fish too--or maybe the horseradish?

      I do hope you're wrong. But in case you're not, I have a doc appointment next week.

      Right now though we're not going anywhere. There's a blizzard out there.

  4. Doesn't sound too peaceful on your part of the earth. Hope your husb. is feeling a bit better by now, was it flu or just man-flu? (us ladies call it a heavy cold).

    1. Heavy, heavy cold. He's not getting off the couch. I'm starting to worry. That's not like him. Then some bug bit him in his sleep. He's got a big welt over his eye. An antihistamine seems to be helping. The way it's going, we might miss New Years as well.

  5. So sorry. Hope Hubby feels better soon. Sorry about your burn too. I love matzah ball soup - my mouth was watery. Your version of chicken soup reminded me of when my wife tried to make a "healthy" recipe. Tasted like hospital soup. We are much healthier with the unhealthy variety, we both concluded.

    1. I absolutely agree. Next time I'll make the soup for real. Thanks Dan. I ended up getting a blister anyway. I'm on kitchen duty--hard to keep things going with a bandaged finger on your main hand.

  6. Oh! Je suis navrée d'apprendre cette nouvelle... J'espère que dans la maisonnée tout va vite rentrer dans l'ordre et que cette année 2012 se terminera bien pour vous tous...
    Prenez soin de vous...

    Le citron dans de l'eau chaude est un excellent remède contre les coups de froid avec une petite dose de rhum brun ! mais il est aussi très bon à regarder !!

    Gros bisous et tous mes voeux pour 2013.

    1. Alison says: Oh! I'm sorry to hear this news ... I hope that everything in the household will soon return to normal and that the year 2012 will end well for you all ...
      Take care of yourself ...

      Lemon in warm water is an excellent remedy against colds with a small dose of dark rum! but it is also very good looking!

      Big hugs and best wishes for 2013.

      And I answered:Lemon, water and rum reads like a "hot toddy." I think the drink makes you feel much better. Honey would disagree. He's a teetotaler. and without even a splash of B&B! He'll never get better with those opinions. Thanks for your good wishes. He is up and walking around today and that's a good sign for New Years. The best New Year to you and yours. Hugs back.

      In French:Citron, l'eau et le rhum se lit comme un "grog". Je pense que la boisson qui vous fait sentir beaucoup mieux. Miel seraient en désaccord. Il boit jamais d'alcool. et sans même un soupçon de B & B! Il ne pourra jamais s'améliorer avec ces opinions. Merci pour vos bons voeux. Il est debout et marcher autour d'aujourd'hui et c'est un bon signe pour le nouvel an. La meilleure année à vous et aux vôtres. Étreintes de dos.

      (Google's new translate is great. This one with no ear for language could learn something from it). (Translate nouvelle interface de Google est grande. Celui-ci, sans l'oreille à la langue pourrait apprendre quelque chose).